Chapter 4
A/N: I know what you all are doing. You’re taking wagers as to if I have them put together by chapter 5. That’s okay, I get it. But, this is going to take a bit to fix, and he doesn’t even know the worst of it yet. On that note, there’s a bit of language in this one. I don’t put much in my writing, but I knew of no other way to write this one. It’s not that bad, but if you’re use to a certain style from me, I wanted to give you a heads up. But enough from me, find your Firehouse CD (am I the only one with one?) Ch 4, When I Look Into Your Eyes.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Chuck, but I do have a bad joke about Firehouse and Crock Pots…hello…is this thing on? Too soon? (This Is Us fans may kill me)
Sarah woke up, and looked around, it was late, she padded into the living room, and there she saw her favorite sight, Chuck holding Molly.
“Oh, it’s my favorite dream,” she said.
“Your favorite dream?” Chuck asked. She looked so happy.
“Mmmhmm,” she hummed, sitting down beside Chuck, picking up his arm, cuddling beside him, and shutting her eyes. “No Graham telling me I can’t see you, you were here at Molly’s birth, and we’re a family like we should be.” Chuck looked down at her, and all he could wonder is what did she go through? He should be so mad at what had happened, but all he could think was he was here now.
“I’m your favorite dream?” Chuck asked, grinning. Sarah nodded and Molly turned around, put one arm around both parents, and hugged both of them.
“I wish this was real,” she said, snuggling closer to Chuck. “I wish I had just told you. I love my Dad, but he made his decision long ago, and I chose wrong, Chuck, I’m so sorry,” and she began to cry.
“Hey, hey,” Chuck said softly. “You’re not supposed to cry during your most favorite dream.”
“See, that’s why I love you,” she said. “You always take care of me, even when I didn’t take care of you.” Chuck just held her. “This is what I could have had.”
“You don’t think you can?” he asked. Molly crawled into Chuck’s far arm and Sarah snuggled deeper into Chuck.
“I kept your daughter away from you for over two years,” Sarah said. “I picked my father over you and I rationalized it by believing the first time you’d leave me if you knew about my Dad, my CIA career, and all of my past. The second time I rationalized away because Graham said I tell you about her in four years. How could you forgive me?”
“Have you asked?” Chuck said.
“It’s not that simple, Chuck,” Sarah said.
“It could be,” Chuck said.
“So I ask, and you just forgive me?”
“No, but it would be a start, it would be hard work, but who knows,” he said.
“I would do anything,” she said. “I hate what I did to you, and I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you, I don’t understand it all, but I forgive you,” Chuck said. She groaned into him.
“That’s the next thing I have to do, tell you everything,” Sarah said, yawning. “I love you, Chuck. I always have. Don’t give up on me.” And with that she was asleep. Chuck leaned over, kissed her head, and leaned back.
“Give her a chance, Chuck,” Emma said. She had been in the kitchen when Sarah came down and had heard everything. Chuck nodded.
“It’s not going to be easy,” he said.
“It will be worth it,” Emma said. Chuck looked at the two women asleep in his arms and just grinned.
“It may already be,” Chuck said.
}o{
Sarah woke up on the couch the next morning, and looked around. She saw Emma and Molly in the kitchen. She stood up, stretched, and headed upstairs where her and the empty room was. She heard a noise in the empty room, and she dropped into ninja-spy mode. She snuck to the doorway, and noticed the door was slightly cracked. She saw movement in there. She noticed the intruder had his shirt off. What the… She needed to get this guy out of here, now. She noticed his back was to her, and she quickly moved through the door and took him down.
“Ahhhh!” came the scream.
“Chuck?” Sarah said, seeing the back of his brown curly head.
“Sarah?” Chuck asked. She let him go and the two separated. Chuck looked a little scared.
“Uh, I know I told you to some by and see Molly today, and you’re welcome any time, but I wasn’t expecting you quite so early,” Sarah said. “I’m sorry about that.”
“Well, I don’t need to worry about your three’s safety,” Chuck said, grinning.
“Or yours,” she said softly, a soft grin on her face, Chuck’s grin grew.
“Uh, I guess you didn’t hear, I won’t be able to visit with Molly today, I have a new job to start,” Chuck said.
“You have a new job, that’s great,” Sarah said. “Is it nearby?”
“Yep,” Chuck answered.
“Does it pay well?” Sarah asked.
“Yes, and I’m having money taken out of my check for you, Molly, and Emma,” Chuck replied.
“No, Chuck,” Sarah said, shaking her head. “You don’t need to, we’re fine. You’re in her life as much as you want to be.”
“All the time,” Chuck said. Sarah’s eyes got big, wondering what he meant. “I want to be in her life as much as I can, without making you uncomfortable.”
“You wouldn’t make me uncomfortable,” Sarah said. Chuck studied her for a minute.
“Are you aware your mom hired me last night and offered to let me move in?” Chuck asked. Sarah attempted to remain cool. She just studied him.
“So do you need a car ride?” she asked.
“Well, considering all I had was….you already know how I got around, don’t you?” he asked. Sarah bit the inside of her cheek.
“Chuck, I’ve kept tabs on you since I left you that weekend,” she said. “When I came back here, I would sneak in the Morgan door many nights and just watched you sleep, or stroke you hair, or kissed your head, or all three. Chuck I’ve never forgotten about you, and I’m sorry for what happened.”
“That’s impressive, and a lot creepy,” Chuck said, with a small grin on his face. Sarah felt a blush hit her cheeks. “I said last night I forgive you, but I can’t, because I don’t know what happened.” Sarah nodded.
“Well, how about lunch today?” Sarah asked. Chuck shrugged.
“Well, I don’t know, I’ve got a new job and a new boss today, and I’m not for sure what kind of task master she is,” Chuck said grinning.
“I’ll take care of her,” Sarah replied.
“How does HR feel about that?” Chuck asked.
“What they don’t know won’t hurt them,” she said. “Dress casual, Chuck, you’ll be running more cables and systems today.” Chuck nodded and she turned to leave when it hit her. She turned back around. “What did you mean last night?” Chuck tried to think quickly how to get out of this, but he decided there had been too much secrecy in their relationship (did they have a relationship? They had to have something, they had a child).
“You came out to the couch last night where I was with Molly, and you thought you were having a dream,” Chuck said. Sarah studied him for a second, and her eyes started tear up. She hit him with a hug and held him for dear life.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “You don’t know what that means to me. Where ever we are between us, that meant the world. Thank you.” She pulled away, turned, and left quickly. Chuck looked at her go. He was so confused. He knew he was mad, he just wasn’t sure who he was mad at.
}o{
“Lester did this, didn’t he?” Chuck asked Emma. He had worked for three straight hours, on setting things up. His original job was to get the network up and running yesterday and he did. He had met everyone’s expectations and then some, but when he really got into the heart of the system, he noticed it wasn’t performing up to peak performance. Lester had done things the easy way, and Chuck quickly realized to maximize the power they had meant he had to strip everything down, and rewire it from scratch, and he did.
“I just wanted my email fix,” Emma said, amused. Chuck grinned at her.
“I know, and I’m sorry,” he said. “But these processors…” he trailed off, nearly drooling.
“I’ve seen that look before,” Sarah said, behind them, leaning on the doorframe. Chuck and Emma both turned to her, and it dawned on Sarah exactly what she had said. She stood there, determined not to be embarrassed, but when Chuck looked down at Molly and then back at her and grinned, laughter filled the room. “Well, I have,” she said, embarrassed but comfortable all at the same time. “Time for a break.”
“She’s a tough one,” Chuck said to Emma.
“Does my email work now?” Emma asked.
“Me, me, me, me, me,” Chuck said, shaking his head in mock annoyance. Emma gave him a shove on his shoulder and he walked over to Sarah. “Me and you, or is our little chaperone going?”
“I’ve got her, you two talk,” Emma said. Chuck nodded.
“I blocked just your email,” Chuck yelled back on the way out. Emma smiled. It was going to take time, but there was hope.
“Dada come back?” Molly asked. Emma picked her up.
“Dada isn’t going anywhere, Sweetie,” Emma said. Molly hugged her.
}o{
“So that covers everything up until you met me,” Sarah said.
“Wait, Clandestine Attack Team Squad?” Chuck said, shaking his head. “Don’t they know Team and Squad basically means the same thing?” Sarah grinned. “It’s like when CBS called it Navy NCIS.” Sarah looked confused. “The N stood for Naval.”
“That may be worse,” Sarah said. Chuck shrugged.
“That was to grab people by the throat marketing wise,” Chuck said. “This was some yahoo in Washington wanting to call you four CATS.” He thought for a second. “Cat suits?” Sarah nodded coyly, tearing of a piece of the crust of her pizza and biting it. Chuck shook his head. Chuck sat there quietly for a moment thinking while Sarah ate. She was comfortable with it, but she knew he had something he needed to say.
“Talk to me,” she said softly.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said.
“Chuck, whatever you’re thinking, can be nothing worse than what I already think of myself,” she said.
“I forgive you,” Chuck said. “I have to, you’re the mother of my child, you’ve shown all the contrition in the world, and at the end of the day, we all make mistakes, it’s just…”
“You can’t trust me,” she said. Chuck looked at her helplessly.
“I want to,” he said. She nodded, understanding. “I know what you want, and part of me wants that too…”
“You can’t,” Sarah said, her heart sinking.
“Yet,” Chuck said softly. Her head jerked up. He looked at her, the raw emotions covering his face. He cleared his throat. “Yet,” he said much more clearly. “I don’t know you, and I know what you said, and it’s not that you don’t mean it, but you’ve changed from even how you were three years ago.” Sarah nodded. He took a deep breath. “My number one priority is Molly.”
“As it should be,” Sarah said. “And you need to live with us to be near her, and if you want to date other people, then I understand and hold none of it against you. I just need us to be friends,” she said, reaching for his hand. He took her hand and gave her a soft smile.
“Okay, I know you’ve had a lot longer to think about this than I have, so you may have some preconceived ideas in your head,” he said, grinning. “And, I think a lot of them are wrong.”
“So, tell me,” she said, squeezing his hand.
“I love Jenny Burton,” Chuck said. “I don’t know anything about Sarah Walker.” Sarah nodded. “I live with Sarah Walker. If I try and have a relationship…a romantic relationship with her, and fail…”
“Things get really messy,” she said nodding. “We are friends, right?” Chuck nodded. “I get very handsy with friends,” she said grinning. Chuck couldn’t help but return the grin.
“I think hugging and snuggling I can handle,” he said. She nodded. “I think we should take this super-slow. Both of us have been hurt enough.” Sarah nodded.
“Thank you,” she said softly. Chuck took her other hand, and looked her right in the eye.
“I’ve forgiven you, but you, you need to forgive yourself,” he said. She nodded.
“After I finish telling you everything, I will,” she said. “The next part…it’s the hard part.”
“Well, we’ve made a good start, but, I have a taskmaster boss so…” he said grinning.
“Watch it Mr. Bartowksi,” Sarah said. “I hear the boss has a crush on you,” she said winking. Chuck shook his head.
“Nah, she’s in love with me,” he said grinning. The smile fell from her face. “Damn it, I’m sorry, Sarah.” She looked up at him and shook her head.
“It’s okay, you’ve given me more hope than I dare asked for.” Chuck squeezed her hand.
“I didn’t say I couldn’t love Sarah Walker, I just gotta figure out how,” he said. “I’m not trying to tease you, put one over on you, hurt you, or anything. Sarah, we’ve both been hurt, and I’ve got to be sure, and I’m sorry, because I know that causes you pain.”
“Just keep being honest with me, whatever you decide,” she said. He squeezed her hand again.
“Today, I promise you this, no lies, no secrets,” he said.
“No lies, no secrets,” she replied. Tears were in her eyes.
“I do like Sarah Walker, a lot,” he said with a grin. “If I’m being honest.”
“I’m in love with Chuck Bartowski,” Sarah replied. “If I’m being honest, and I love more than anything he’s putting his daughter first, unlike my father.” Chuck looked sad.
“So is your dad still in jail?” he asked.
“That’s the next part,” she said. Chuck nodded. She stood. “Come on, I can’t have this conversation in public.”
}o{
They made their way to one of the beaches. Emma called her mom and told her they wouldn’t be back, that they were still talking. Emma told her to take her time, and if needed she would call Ellie and reschedule tonight. Sarah told him everything, and Chuck got madder and madder. He was livid. How could someone do that to her, to them? To Molly!? She pulled out her phone.
“I told my boss that I was going to tell you. He said you were welcome to call him,” she said. She had never seen him this mad. He nodded and she dialed.
“Graham, secure,” Graham said.
“Walker, secure, but with a gentleman who wants to talk to you,” she said.
“Put him on,” Graham replied. Chuck took the phone.
“Langston Graham?” Chuck asked.
“Yes, Mr. Bartowski, I would-”
“I would like to know just who the hell you think you are!” Chuck began. Sarah swallowed. This was not going to go well. Graham closed his eyes, he was afraid of this, and honestly, he deserved it. “You trampled two private citizens rights and for the sole reason of using leverage over one of your own agents? You are a piece of work, Sir,” he said sir with all the sarcasm he could muster. “You have torn apart a family, because of some screwed up priorities. You threatened this wonderful woman when all she wanted to do was tell the father of her child he was in fact the father of her child!? What kind of sick, low life, son of a bitch does that?!?”
“The head of the CIA, Mr. Bartowski,” Graham said.
“Well, the head of the CIA can kiss my ass,” Chuck said, and hung up the phone. Sarah watched him, fighting a grin. He glanced at her. “What?”
“The head of the CIA can kiss my ass?” Sarah said, trying not to laugh.
“Well, I was more than a little upset,” Chuck said.
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, Chuck,” she said, grinning. “He deserved that and a whole lot more, but that’s what you say to him?” Chuck grinned in spite of himself.
“I just told one of the most powerful men it the world to kiss my ass,” Chuck said. Sarah’s phone rang and they both glanced at it. “And that’s him calling me to tell me a hit squad is coming for me.”
“Walker, secure,” Sarah said.
“Has he calmed down yet?” Graham asked.
“Yes, he realized he told one of the most powerful men in the world to kiss his ass,” Sarah said, grinning. “That sobered him up.”
“I deserved that,” Graham said.
“Yeah, you did,” Sarah answered. “It’s what I should have told you when you told me I couldn’t see Chuck.”
“You should of,” Graham agreed. “And I never should have put you in that position, and I am sorry, Sarah.” Sarah realized him calling her by her first name meant a lot. “May I talk to him?”
“It’s for you,” she said, a grin covering her face. Chuck swallowed and took the phone.
“I was a little rude earlier, Sir, and I apologize,” Chuck began.
“Mr. Bartowski… Chuck, what you said, I deserved,” Graham said. “I was being blackmailed by Orion. He was creating a classified system for us, and I was told to keep you two apart, or he wouldn’t finish it.”
“Why, Sir? I mean I’m no one,” Chuck said.
“I can’t answer that, Son,” Graham answered. “All I can say is he married his handler and she left him.”
“So wait, this guy projected his hurt onto me?” Chuck asked. “Sir, that’s insane.”
“I’m not convinced he’s not a little insane,” Graham admitted. “Chuck, I’m sorry, and for the record, she hated me keeping you apart.” Chuck looked over at Sarah. “Chuck, it’s not my place, but that girl loves you, and would do anything to make it right.”
“I don’t mean this hatefully, or even trying to be mean, but you’re right, it’s not your place,” Chuck said. “For the record, I know, she is trying, and we’re working on it.”
“Good luck, Chuck,” Graham said. “Again, I am sorry.” And with that, he had disconnected the call. Chuck smiled at Sarah and handed her the phone.
“So, what can I do to make you trust me?” she asked.
“Keep telling me the truth,” Chuck said.
“So you know, I have a mission,” Sarah said. “It’s a mission to heart warm you, prove to you I’m trust worthy, and win you over.” Chuck just looked at her. She had a slight smirk on her face.
“Not even gonna play it cool, are you?” Chuck asked.
“Nope,” she said, popping the “p”. “I’ve never failed a mission,” she said. Chuck looked at her and smiled.
“I hope you keep your record intact,” he said, grinning and waggling his eyebrows. Her mouth feel open in faux scandalous shock. He stood and offered her him hand. “Ellie’s?”
“Ellie’s,” she agreed.
}o{
Dinner was great, the company was great, and Ellie and Awesome were in full aunt and uncle mode. Chuck even made a few jokes about Awesome having one of his own. The look on his face was not lost on Ellie or Chuck…soon. After dinner Chuck disappeared for a while. Sarah was worried she had done something or he was missing living here. Ellie caught her eye and nodded her head toward Chuck’s bedroom. Ellie gave her a smile, Sarah nodded, and headed that way.
“How’s it going on that front?” Ellie asked Emma.
“They’re talking,” Emma said. “I think they are taking it very slow.” Ellie shook her head.
“He pined for Jenny after she left. He never really dated again,” Ellie said. “Working together, living in the same house, raising this little angel…they haven’t got a chance.” Emma smiled.
“No, they haven’t,” Emma agreed. Sarah had knocked on Chuck’s door, but no one had answered. She had slowly pushed the door open and noticed the window open. Had Chuck run off? She looked around the room and noticed his desk was empty, and several things looked like they had been moved.
“Hey,” he said, climbing through the window, startling her. “I was loading some stuff up to take back.”
“Oh, yeah,” she said, trying not to appear too anxious.
“Yeah, if it’s okay with you,” he replied. She bounced a shoulder and tried to keep her face neutral.
“It’s Emma’s house,” she responded.
“I know, and I already know what she says, but I’m asking you,” Chuck said. “I don’t want to make things hard on you.” She walked over and wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her.
“I’m going to do this a lot if you stay,” she said.
“Non-negotiable?”
“Non-negotiable,” she replied. “And don’t be shocked if I sneak into your room and run my fingers through your hair.”
“You’re driving a hard bargain,” he said smiling.
“Are you okay about today?” she asked, pulling away and looking into his eyes. Chuck sighed.
“No, yes, I don’t know,” he replied. “I know I don’t blame you. I’m not happy you picked your dad’s safety over me, but I know why, and I get it. I guess what I really don’t understand is this Orion.” She smiled sadly, and before she could help it, she ran her thumb across his jaw, and looked directly into her eyes.
“If you want, I’ll help you figure out who he is,” she said. He nodded.
“I think I deserve to know. I think WE deserve to know,” Chuck said. He broke the gaze the two shared and looked over at the door. “I need to bring something, but it’s awful nerdy.”
“Bring the Tron poster, Chuck,” she said smiling. Chuck gave her a look of surprise and then smiled. He paused a second and kissed the top of her head. “You heart warmed yet?” she asked grinning.
“Not yet,” he said, taking the poster down. He turned around to look at her. “You know this is gonna take a while, right?” She bounced a shoulder grinning.
“I’ve waited three years, and I know where you live,” she said. “I can wait some more.”
“That’s a little creepy,” he said. She bounced a shoulder again.
“Deal with it,” she said, leaving the room. Chuck watched her go, and stood there a minute.
“Jenny, I’ve missed you,” he said softly to the room.
}o{
Chuck had his computer set up, and was in the process of hanging the Tron poster when the monitor to his computer came on.
“Charles,” came the voice, scaring Chuck.
“Who are you?” he asked, having fallen down from the fright.
“I am Orion, and you need to leave this house,” it said.
“You need to stay the hell out of my life,” Chuck replied, getting angry.
“Charles, you don’t understand,” the computer said, and then the grainy picture went away and there was Stephen Bartowski. Chuck’s mouth dropped. “Charles you need to get away from her.”
“You, you did this?” he said softly, standing up. “You kept me from my daughter?” his voice getting louder. “You can go to hell.” He said softly. “I never want to see your face again, do you understand?”
“Chuck?” Sarah’s voice came as she opened the door. “Everything okay?” she asked, and stopped seeing the computer.
“You caused me to be the same sad excuse for a father that you were! You can go straight to hell! I never want to see you again!” Chuck screamed. Orion clicked off of the screen. Sarah was in shock. Chuck grabbed the poster, fled the room, and was out of the house like a shot. Sarah was right behind him. He was standing by the garbage can, wanting to throw the poster away, but couldn’t. He was crying, rage and grief coming out of him simultaneously. Sarah grabbed him and held him. “My father is Orion,” he whispered. “He did this to me, to you, to Molly. My own family.” Tear flowed and Sarah held him and comforted him like she wanted to for all those years. After a bit, they stopped flowing, but he was numb, almost broken. She took the poster, led him back inside, put the poster down in the living room, and helped him up the stairs.
“Come on,” she said, and led him to her bedroom door, she felt him hesitate. She stopped and looked at him. “This isn’t about us and our future. This isn’t about our relationship. This is about me, comforting you, and that’s it, okay?” He nodded. She led him inside, and shut the door.
A/N: Wait!! You’re stopping there!?!? But…did they?….are they?… MWAHAHAHAH. Until next time.
DC