Chapter 3
Wow, I cringe at some of this as I reread it. I mean CRINGE, and I write novels on the side…wow. The sequel is still being worked on, and it is coming, but I had forgotten I was doing so many stories right now that I was remastering this. Actually I had rewritten this over a month ago and just forgot. Sorry for the delay. Chapter 3, Home
Disclaimer: I don’t own Chuck…but I remember the last six years…at least most of it.
“Do you remember everything?” Chuck asked. Sarah had a huge smile on her face, but as she started to think about her memories, the smile started to dim. Ellie held her lip between her teeth. Chuck tried to remain calm on the outside, but inside he was breaking. He didn’t want to ask what he was thinking but he had to know. “Okay, do you remember everything the last six years?” Sarah looked at him and smiled.
“Every bit of it.” She said calmly. Chuck nodded, and let out a breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding, relief flowing through him. At worst, they were where they already were. Chuck could live with that all day every day.
“Okay, what about our wedding?” he asked. Sarah shook her head no. Chuck gave her a reassuring smile. “What about me uploading the Intersect here in Castle with Ellie?” Sarah smiled and nodded.
“Yes, I remember that!” she said, relieved a memory from the past stuck with her.
“Our first date?” he asked hopefully. Sarah made a wincing face, and shook her head regretfully.
“Parts,” she said. Chuck brightened and stood up straighter. “I remember you saying you were terrific or amazing and I said you were,” she said smiling. Chuck had a tight smile that he was losing. “Not the first date?”
“Our real first date, but you said it was our second date, and I thought it was our second first date…” Chuck rambled.
“Bartowski!” Casey yelled.
“Right, spiraling.” Chuck said, blowing out a breath. Sarah couldn’t help but smile, and Chuck winked at her.
“I’m sorry,” Ellie said. “Without a base for the Intersect to latch onto, the upgrade won’t hold for a lack of a better way to explain it.” She turned and looked at Samantha. “Since she was born with something already in her head it may stick to that.” She looked at Chuck and Sarah expectantly, not sure what to say.
“Samantha,” Sarah said. Her daughter looked up at her. “Do you think you and I could do some Kung Fu sparing?” Samantha nodded. “Do you know what non-lethal means?”
“Mommy, I would never kill you,” Samantha said sagely. Chuck and Sarah turned towards each other. Chuck’s eyes were big, his lips in a tight line, and his cheeks were puffed out with air. Sarah smiled at him with no worry on her face.
“We got this,” she said to Chuck.
“It’s your butt on the line,” Chuck replied.
“Wow, Bartowski, now all the women in your life can kick your butt,” Casey leaned in and whispered. Gertrude grabbed him from behind and pulled him back.
“Keep it up, John, and I’ll show you what the woman in yours can do.” Chuck beamed at Gertrude. Sarah took Samantha’s hand and led them to the sparing area as everyone watched.
“Wow! Samantha’s gonna fight Mom and not get in trouble!” Stephen told Beckman.
“Are you worried?” Beckman said, a little uncomfortable with the unpredictability. She didn’t know why she worried, unpredictability had been the unofficial motto of Team Bartowski throughout the years. But, no matter how insane the predicament or how little chance most thought they had, the always found a way, because they were family.
“Nope, they love each other, and they’ll protect each other,” Stephen said. Beckman couldn’t help but agree with the young man. While there was a four year old with all the knowledge of the Intersect, she said she could be non-lethal, and the Bartwoski’s had a history of being non-lethal.
“Flash and come at me,” Sarah said. Samantha gave her a confused look.
“Mother, I don’t flash. I dazzle people.” Samantha said, confidently.
“Dazzle?” Sarah asked, grinning. Samantha nodded, “Well, come dazzle me.” Chuck was shaking his head.
“I think zoom is better than that,” Chuck whispered to Morgan.
“Thank you!” Morgan said. “And, of course, flash, is the OG. You know both of ours at least had Flash references.” It then dawned on Morgan, and he lightly tapped Chuck with the back of his hand. “We should have known I was going evil, because I said Zoom.” Chuck caught the reference and nodded. That’s when they noticed everyone watching them.
“Are you two retired hens about done, because the real women in the room are going to show us how to fight,” Casey said, proud of himself. He then saw Gertrude. “Of course, you’re a real woman too,” he added quickly and started to turn around. Chuck and Morgan took the mature route and stuck their tongues out at Casey. Casey grunted and everyone turned toward Sarah and Samantha. Samantha’s eyes quickly flickered, and suddenly she came at Sarah. The two fought for barely a minute. Sarah was sweating from the strenuous workout, barely able to keep up with her daughter, while Samantha seemed calm with every one of her moves. Chuck began to think Sarah was going to lose when Samantha stopped, and bowed.
“Is that sufficient, Mother?” Samantha asked. Chuck looked at Beckman, whose eyes were huge. She looked at Chuck, and Chuck shook his head. There was no way his daughter was doing anything CIA related. Beckman gave a short crisp nod to agree with him and Chuck returned a grateful smile.
“That was great, Honey,” Sarah said. Samantha hugged her mother in joy, and Sarah knew deep down they would be okay. “General, I’m in.”
“Me too,” Chuck said.
“We all are,” Casey grunted. “
“Very well,” Beckman said. “When Jason gets here, we’ll go over the plan. This has been an interesting day.” She sighed, and looked around. “Get some rest, we’ll reconvene then.” With that she walked out of the room.
“Dude, your entire family is just awesome!” Devon said, coming up behind Chuck. Chuck smiled, and turned toward him, but the smile died some.
“I just want them to be normal,” Chuck said, looking over at his wife and children.
}o{
6 years ago
Chuck hadn’t exactly lied to Sarah, but he needed some time to himself. Sarah had taken control of Castle, and she was everywhere in the apartment. Chuck wasn’t complaining, actually it was great. She was starting to act like it was her home, but there was nowhere for Chuck to go to think. Chuck found himself back at his house….the one that was supposed to be Sarah’s dream house that Chuck had fallen in love with. He had bought it the day after he saw her at the beach. He didn’t know why he didn’t move in…yes he did, he wasn’t ready yet. He didn’t know why he hadn’t told Sarah…yes he did, it was too much, too soon, and he wasn’t sure how she’d take it. He didn’t know why this place had become home…yes he did, it was a possible future that he wanted with all his heart. Even knowing it was only possible, and not necessarily even probable, made him happy. He came here to think through big decisions. Since Sarah had come back to Carmichael Industries, things were going smoothly, especially since he always agreed with Sarah. Today…today he didn’t agree and he didn’t know how to tell her. The job she thought they should take, he thought it was too dangerous, and he didn’t know how to tell her without hurting her. He worried it would open them up personally, and while right now, it was just him and her, he couldn’t chance the future. He sighed, sitting on the steps that lead upstairs. He should really tell Sarah where he was he was thinking, as his phone rang.
“Hey,” came the voice over the phone that always made his heart swell with love. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine…unless there’s something I don’t know about.” Chuck replied. There was silence for a second.
“Chuck,” she paused, took a deep breath, and continued. “You went quiet today.”
“Just thinking,” he said, thinking he should tell her everything.
“Uh-huh,” she said and he knew she knew. She didn’t have memories! How could she know these things? How was she still able to do this and only “know him” for such a short time? “Chuck, you talk about everything.”
“Not everything,” he said, a little whiney. There was silence. “I mean really, you’ve only remember the past month, how is it you know this?”
“It’s love memory,” she said softly.
“Love memory?” he snorted.
“Yeah, it’s like muscle memory with your heart, you nerd,” she shot back, but Chuck could feel the smile through the phone.
“Oh, so it has nothing to do with the fact you’re one of the greatest spies on the planet?” He asked, grinning. There was a pause from the other end.
“Maybe,” she admitted. “Are you coming home soon, or are you going to sit in that empty house all day?” Chuck sputtered and she had a soft laugh. Chuck didn’t know what to say. “I followed you when you left all quiet and when I realized where you were going I followed a hunch and I pulled the records for the house. You bought it the day after I left. You didn’t tell me because you thought it would be too much pressure, right?”
“You never cease to amaze me,” he admitted.
“You never cease to amaze me,” she replied. “Now am I coming over there, or are you coming over here so we can talk about you keeping secrets when you’re not supposed to and what’s bothering you?”
“I’m coming home,” Chuck said.
“Chuck,” Sarah said just above a whisper. “Home is wherever you are.” Chuck nearly dropped the phone. He gathered himself and then spoke the best he could without his voice breaking.
“I’m coming to the apartment. There’s something we need to talk about, and I’ve got to be honest with you,” he said honestly.
“That’s all I ever asked,” she said, and paused. “I love you.” The line was silent, Chuck was running to his car.
}o{
Now
The doorbell rang at the Bartowski house, and as always it was bedlam.
“I’ll get it,” Stephen bellowed.
“Maybe you shouldn’t and let one of the adults until this whole thing is over, Ace,” Chuck said to the boy.
“Aww, Dad, but I know kung-fu!” He began to come at his father with the moves Morgan had taught him.
“And, while that is awesome, maybe we should keep that as our secret weapon,” Chuck said winking. His son winked back, and tore off to another part of the house. Chuck shook his head and opened the door. Sarah came into the living room just as Chuck opened the door. He saw Beckman and a man with her that he could only assume was Jason Black. Chuck thought the picture didn’t do the man justice. He looked even better in person, if that was possible. Chuck glanced back at his wife who was taking him in, she raised her eyebrows in appreciation when she caught Chuck’s glance. She gave him a look that said, “Don’t be stupid, you know I only love you,” and Chuck couldn’t help but smile.
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but Jason just arrived and I wanted him to become familiar with the children and the house,” Beckman said.
“Please, come in,” Chuck said, a little upset with himself for not inviting them in quicker. He noticed Jason’s luggage “Does Jason need to move in?” Beckman glanced at Jason as they entered the house.
“That’s totally up to you,” he answered. Chuck shook his head and his wife prayed he didn’t say what was in his head.
“Even your voice sounds incredible,” Chuck heard himself say, and he squeezed his eyes shut, realizing how that sounded.
“Well, thank you,” Jason said, grinning. Sarah rolled her eyes.
“There’s a guest room upstairs if you think it’s best to stay,” she said. Jason looked at her, nodded, and then he turned back to Chuck.
“I will make sure your children are safe,” he said to the two of them.
“Thank you,” Chuck replied, grinning. “Let me show you to your room.” As Chuck took Jason upstairs, Sarah walked over to Beckman.
“General, how bad is this?” Sarah asked. Beckman looked at the younger woman, studied her, and sighed.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “And, that’s what scares me,” she added. Sarah nodded.
“I’m sorry you had to come out of retirement for this,” Sarah said with a sad smile. Beckman smiled.
“I’m not, I’ve been on the sidelines too long,” Beckman said, lost in thought
“Roan fell the same way?” Sarah asked. Beckman studied Sarah’s face for a moment.
“I have no idea,” Beckman answered. Sarah’s eyebrows raised. Beckman walked to the door, opened it, and turned back to Sarah, seemingly unsure of herself. “Keep an eye on him.” Sarah smiled.
“General, I’ve been fighting off men’s advances for years,” Sarah answered with a smirk.
“Not, Jason, Chuck,” Beckman said with a pointed look. Sarah gave her an uncertain look.
“Oh,” she said, the surprise clear on her face.
“Black is one of the best in the business but he’s here for the children. I need the best to watch Chuck,” Beckman said pointedly. “Never forget that Sarah, with or without your memories, you are the best.” Sarah smiled. Beckman started to leave, paused, and turned back to Sarah.
“Trust your family, those blood and not,” Beckman said, a look on her face, that Sarah had never seen. Sarah started to answer when Chuck and Jason came downstairs, laughing.
“Sarah, I think this is going to work out great,” Chuck said.
“That’s great Chuck,” she said going over and sliding her arm around him.
“I think we’re going to be fine,” Chuck replied. Beckman and Sarah glanced at each other.
“I know you’ll do whatever is necessary for our family, now and in the future,” she said, looking at Black. Jason excused himself to go clean up and unpack while Beckman left without another word. Chuck was oblivious to everything going on, because he was thinking about the first time that he and Sarah finally approach the subject of the future.
}o{
6 years ago
Chuck entered the apartment, not sure what to say to Sarah. She was sitting on the couch drinking a glass of wine, with a knowing smile on her face.
“I should have told you,” Chuck began, but stopped at the smile on her face.
“Come on, Chuck,” Sarah began, still grinning. “You know how long it would have taken you to explain it. I get it. I don’t like it, but I get it.” She pointed a finger at him. “No more secrets.”
“No matter how much they hurt?” Chuck asked, serious. The smile left Sarah’s face and she nodded.
“No matter how much they hurt,” Sarah said. “You need to tell me what is bothering you.”
“Can I explain first?” Chuck asked. Sarah grinned.
“I’d expect nothing less,” she replied. Chuck smiled and sit on the other side of the couch, purposely creating a space between them. Sarah shook her head, got up, and sat down right beside him, seated where she was looking right at him. Chuck reached out tentatively, and Sarah gave him her hand.
“Here’s the horrible truth, you don’t remember the last five years and how much you changed.” Sarah nodded. “But, that’s not exactly true. See, what I learned over five years is you were already changing, you saved the baby, now your sister. You were already thinking of leaving the CIA, and I think being with me, you thought about life after the CIA.” Sarah nodded. “Love is not something you can control, and there’s one thing I know about you is you hate surprises and love control.” Sarah smiled, knowing he was right. “Here’s what’s already different. The first year, you never let me know how you felt, until you thought we were going to die, and you kissed me.” Sarah thought for a second, she looked down at the ground, and her face contorted a little, and then her head snapped back up, surprise on her face.
“And pulled a gun on you and threatened to kill you,” she said, trailing off. Chuck grinned.
“I was being a bit of a stubborn jerk,” Chuck admitted sheepishly. Sarah smiled softly.
“I don’t know about being a jerk, but when it comes to me you can be a bit stubborn, and I’m glad you are,” Sarah said squeezing his hand. Chuck smiled. “So what does this have to do with today?” Chuck nodded.
“Hang on, I’m getting there,” Chuck said. Sarah rolled her eyes, grinning. “So, now, the ‘Chuck shield’ is gone.”
“The ‘Chuck shield’?” Sarah asked, using air quotes.
“Yeah, the ‘I’m not going to let him see how I really feel’ mask you put on,” Chuck said with a grin. Sarah gave him a level look.
“Oh, really? I mean, it’s not like I sit around making goo-goo eyes at you all day,” she said, with a very confident look on her face. Chuck fought a smile, and the confident look slowly fell off her face. “No, I don’t.” Chuck glanced at the remote control on the table, and looked back at her, fighting, unsuccessfully, the smile that threatened to consume his face.
“I know what to look for now,” he said softly. “You and Casey trained me in some things about reading people.” Sarah scoffed.
“I’m not,” she began, but Chuck reached down, grabbed the remote, and stopped.
“I bet in 20 minutes I can find five times on the castle footage that we run of you pushing your hair back over your ear, or glances when you think I’m not looking, or other little things that you and Casey taught me to look for. Do you really want me to go looking?” Chuck asked seriously. Sarah stared at him, trying to look irritated, but she slowly began to blush and Chuck’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. His mouth dropped open in shock, and she gave him a playful push. She took the remote, gently, but forcefully, out of his hand.
“Okay, so maybe I’m feeling things, I already told you I love you, so what’s the point to this and the job?” Sarah asked, shaking her head.
“This job could jeopardize us if we have a future someday,” Chuck said, taking her hand. “It leaves us too exposed, and frankly I don’t want us having to worry about someone targeting us or any possible family.”
“Ellie and Awesome,” Sarah said softly. Chuck looked away for a second and then back at Sarah. She knew there was more, and raised an eyebrow, waiting.
“Total truth?” he asked. She nodded. “ANY possible family.” She thought for a second, and straightened a little.
“Oh, kids,” she said, looking down. Chuck sat there with the look only he could have.
“Sarah, it may only be a 1% chance or less,” Chuck said taking her hand and looking her in the eye. “But, you would never forgive yourself if you threatened the safety of your kids because of something we did today.”
“Do you think we’ll have kids?” she asked softly, looking away, ashamed that she couldn’t look him in the eye.
“I have no idea,” he answered truthfully. She lifted her head and looked in his eye.
“Do you think we’ll figure us out?” She asked. Chuck took a deep breath, and saw the vulnerability in her.
“You want the truth?” he asked. She nodded, and Chuck grinned.
“It may not be what you want to hear,” he warned.
“I need to know,” she huffed. Chuck dropped his head and nodded, looking at the floor. His face cracked into the biggest smile and he looked up, his eyes holding hers.
“I’ve fought for you for five years, and I’m going to fight for you for the rest of my life,” Chuck said, the love shining through his eyes. “So yes, Sarah Bartowski.” Sarah shoulder bumped him, grinning. “It may take us a very long time to get there, for you to remember, or understand, or whatever it is that you need to know that you can’t control what we feel for each other, but yes, we will be back together.” Sarah smiled, reached up, and rubbed his face with her hand. Tears were in her eyes.
“I don’t know if I can ever love you as much as you love me,” she began. Chuck started to speak, but she laid a finger on his lips. “I know I’ve done some stuff for us, and I’d move mountains for us, but you…you put your heart out there every day, knowing it will probably get rejected, watching out for the possibility of a future us, protecting kids you can’t even really believe will happen given where we are, and yet you keep being you. No complaints, patient as can be, and never, ever, pressuring me to do one thing I’m not ready for.” Chuck smiled behind her finger. He gently moved it from his mouth.
“That’s just it, Baby,” he said, softly. “You would, you have, and you did. Someday you’ll remember, or learn again, or just go with it, and until that day, know, it’s all worth it.” Sarah looked deep into his eyes, leaned forward, and gently kissed him. When she pulled away, she ran her hand lightly through his hair.
“So, no to the job,” she said. Chuck nodded. She stood, and looked down at Chuck. “I need some time.” Chuck nodded. She started to turn and go, but stopped and faced him. “You know once we take the next step, I can’t go back, right?” Chuck nodded. “You know I can’t do that to you, right? You know that’s why I’m being so cautious, not because I don’t love you, and don’t want you, it’s because I can’t hurt you anymore than I already have.”
“Baby, you’re here with me, and that’s all I care about,” he said. “The rest, you’ll figure it out and when you are ready is when you are ready.” She smiled, turned, and headed to her room. After the door closed, Chuck let out a breath. “I need a shower…a cold one…possibly two.” And, that’s what he went to do. Leaving the shower, he realized he didn’t bring any clothes to change into. He wrapped a towel around himself, and made his way down the hall, hoping he didn’t run into Sarah. He didn’t think she’d be upset with him to see him that way, but he really wasn’t sure, and the last thing he needed was her thinking he pressured her. He noticed light coming from his room. He pushed the door opened slowly, and saw candles lit around the room. He started to say something, when he noticed Sarah laying on the bed, dressed in the same purple negligee she had worn when she had been his pretend girlfriend a long time ago. His mouth was dry. She smiled at him.
“I lied,” she said softly, playing with a piece of the clothing. “I wore this on purpose back then. I don’t know why. I mean, I really don’t remember why. I remember thinking how much you’d like it, but I can’t remember, and that sucks. I may never get my memories back, but I know I love you. I know you love me. I know I don’t want to go through life without you.” Chuck stood there, speechless. “Chuck?”
“This isn’t a dream, is it? It’s not the Intersect, or phase 3, or phase 4, or something that happens to me in these situations?” he asked. Sarah smiled coyly.
“Chuck, I do remember something.” Sarah said, smirking. She stood up, walked over to him, and undid the towel. As it hit the floor, his mouth dropped. “Chuck, kiss me.”
“And Bob’s you’re uncle!” Chuck said, not thinking.
“Oh, boy,” she said, giving Chuck his eyebrow dance. Chuck grinned. “Chuck,” she said saucily. “Shut up and kiss me,” she said, putting her hand around his neck and pulling him in. And he did.